by Patrick St. John
Earlier this week, in a startling array of events, Parkland School District detonated it's first nuclear device.
"We ain't gonna stand for dat sheeit, yo!" a disgruntled 'G' stated in reaction.
In a press conference, Parkland's administrator of it's new Advanced Weaponry Division stated that this was "the final say on which school district is the best." The Nuke was set off underneath an East Penn student's(Ivan's) house. Fortunately, no one important was injured/killed. East Penn R&D was quick to say that they were not far behind and would expect to detonate their nuclear warhead soon. Critics doubt that any public nuclear detonation will happen in the near future, since most of the school district's funds go straight to -you guessed it- the football team.
The most startling thing about this event is that the EPCIA(East Penn Central Intelligence Agency) did not know about this detonation before it happened.
"We really didn't see that one coming!" said EPCIA chairman Marty Shnekll said in a press conference today. "But, since sports come before us in budgeting, we are severely understaffed and underresourced. Don't worry, we should be able to tell you before biological weapons are developed. No promises, though."
This detonation has sparked the beginnings of a major arms race, and possibly all-out war between our school districts.
We WOULD direct you to the EPCIA web site, but they don't have the funding to have one up.
Some guy who looked like he knew something was unavailable for comment.
